In Continued Defense of the Greylock Gun, Two Years Later

When I was in college, I took a class on the History of Warfare. It was, needless to say, totally fucking rad. I totally pwn3d the final exam too, despite two TOTALLY EGREGIOUS SLIGHTS NEVER TO BE FORGIVEN.

Slight 1: My team was tasked to construct a wall, to withstand the opposing team's battering ram. We chose the counter-battering ram rudiments, rebar, concrete, and plywood. The other team had (if I remember correctly) seventeen recently commissioned Marines, and a champion MMA fighter. Our wall did not fare well. In the end we didn't clean up our mess, and we pretty much inadvertently built a patio in front of the big lecture hall on campus. Oops.

The slight? Our wall made it 10 rams, fair and square, but the professor allowed them to go for a bonecrushing eleventh swing, felling our masonry. FOLLOW YOUR OWN RULES, SIR.

Slight 2: My partner and I were tasked with crafting a strategic war footing for Berkshire County, to defend against the neighboring counties in Vermont, New York, Eastern Massachusetts, and Connecticut. I can't even remember what they were, because I (uncharacteristically, I might add) completely eschewed realpolitik in favor of building a giant fucking cannon on top of Mount Greylock, next to the epicly spooky World War I lighthouse.

Limited to Revolutionary-Napoleonic Era technology and tactics, I thought this pretty damn reasonable. It worked on many levels, 1) tactically, as it was placed to rain hot iron on Routes 7 and 8 on either of its sides, the most likely invasion points from the South, West, or East; and 2) as the scariest terror weapon in history (pre-Waterloo liberal arts alternative history anyway) which, even if woefully inaccurate (a factor I took into account, as it would only have to be accurate to within an acre at a distance of 5 miles to really impact against Napoleonic-Era troop formations) would have devastated the morale of an invading force from Columbia County, New York (carpetbaggers). After detailing the strategic nuance of the Greylock Gun, I took part in this exchange.

Prof: Do you two really think this would have been effective as a weapon? Or an effective use of resources?

Me: I think it would have been awesome.

A in the class, thank you grade inflation. Since that day two years ago, I have been working on my time machine (Terminator rules; one way trip, can't bring anything back) in order to first go back and rescue famed ballistician Gerald Bull from early retirement in Belgium, whenceupon the two of us could travel back once more and construct said Greylock Gun, finally I would then travel further back in and set in motion some chain of events in which Aaron Burr's New York secessionist movement actually gained steam and led to him (foolishly) marching an army on North Adams via the Petersburg Pass... only to meet certain doom.