you can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'!

A few things to read while you're waiting for CVS to re-stock the hand sanitizer aisle... (honestly, I saw no less than three people whipping out Purell during my two-hour long ride home from work today. And what can go wrong with leaving public safety concerns to the discretion of rush hour commuters?)

-Contrary to research I've spent my whole life doing, astrophysicists claim that the Milky Way tastes like something other than caramel, nougat, and dreams.

-Forget what I ever said in praise of Peter Orszag: The solution to the sub-prime mortgage crisis isn't to be found in the OMB or Obama's magical Cabinet... it's much simpler, more elegant. Two words: ant realtors. The BBC says they're "better than humans" at rationally picking out homes, but I have to wonder... can they make houses that look like this?! Okay, maybe they can. But... can they make houses that look like this?! ...No? And they wouldn't want to? Because ants, unlike people, make "rational decisions"? ...

-lol ESPN.comhax0rd. The glittery unicorns and rainbows are great... utilizing the Konami cheat pushes it into the realm of the awesome... and the finishing touch of changing all the text on the page to Comic Sans? That's just classy.

-Between this Churchill Downs piece and the dramz last week with the polo horses, I'm beginning to think pdclem2's blog posts have even more of an impact on the real world than I had previously thought... I guess I'm just glad he's on our side? I mean, let's be honest, horses had it coming, but... I don't even want to think about what could happen if powers like Pete's were used injudiciously.

-And for good measure, my favorite swine flu humor so far. I spent the better part of the day Wiki-reading about things like cytokine storms and the last big bad flu, and honestly, I don't know what to tell you except that Gizmodo's got some really good links to H1N1 outbreak GoogleMaps if you're like me and would rather geekily indulge in amateur (and somewhat morbid) epidemiology than seriously think about any precautions you should actually be taking.

things to read!

So, blah blah, you know the drill... essentially, I'm super tired from a great long weekend and my first-ever post-kickball debauch, but not too tired to share a few gems from the webs:

"Despite a threat from Islamists, two Pakistani brothers stealthily manufacture fetish and bondage wear"... I honestly don't even know where to begin dissecting the brilliance of this piece, but please please PLEASE watch the video, as it's just transcendent in its (I'm assuming unintentional) hilarity. Much deserved shoutout to resident Paki-nerd cmhogle for the link...

...TrueSlant is pretty baller lately (and I'm not just saying that because some ladies I know are launching a blog there soon)... my favorite pieces to come out of there of late are Matt Taibbi justifiably hating on Tom Friedman for bad metaphors and Ryan Sager letting us know that birds are smarter in groups. (Actually though, between links to Jeopardy, beer goggles and some nice speculation on Arlen Specter's really old brain, Sager's Neuroworld blog is kinda awesome overall for all the geekazoids comme moi out there...)

...Ryan Lizza never disappoints the D.C. policy wonk in all of us, as proven by this week's read into Orszag, Summers, and the whole budget clusterf*ck. Maybe I'm just a sucker, but on the eve of the 100th day into the administration, talk like this (from an OMB deputy director) still makes me feel pretty warm and fuzzy: "“One of the things that was really surprising to me is the amount of value that was put into analytics and academics, and thinking constructively about a project. I’m not saying that people completely ignored the Hill reaction or the public reaction, but we began with: ‘This is what smart people are saying about this, and this is why.’ ”"

...Just when I thought I was the only one noticing that Marc Thiessen is borderline batshit crazy, Slate adds some fuel to the anti-former-Bush-speechwriter fire...

...This is kinda old-school, but I must have missed it when it came out a few months ago... basically, OMG I kind of want to write an Indiana Jones spinoff about this crazy awful scary Nazi scientist who may or may not have single-handedly created an entire community of Aryan twins in Brazil...

...And last but CERTAINLY not least: the Washington Capitals are FREAKING AMAZING and they only had to bash (Brash?) one head to prove it. And thanks to Carolina, we're going to get the chance to eat Crosby for dinner even sooner than I had imagined. Can't wait. Meanwhile, the Redskins managed to actually not eff up the draft, although I'm going to thank the Jets for that before I deign to believe that it had anything to do with Dan Snyder having a single rational/thoughtful bone in his body... whatever though, the draft is ridiculous anyway and I'm over it and hopefully so is JC because it's time to get started. The Skins D is so money I can't even wait to watch it destroy (is it too early to say No. 1 in the league?) and in the meantime I'm looking forward to hearing my favorite Kings of Leon fan issue dispatches from things like minicamp, the first of which is this Friday!!

short, not necessarily sweet

Okay, so this is going to be quick because I'm pretty beat (time spent commuting > 1/2 the time required to be spent at actual work = makes me want to you know what) but here's the stuff that got me through the day:

-I'm sure this has made its way around the nets by now, but the Kuznets curve is mathematical proof (and everyone knows you can't argue with math!) that you don't have to feel bad about your SUV... additionally, the easy clickability to relevant blogs and such on the NYT website = a helpful reminder that Pinch Sulzberger has done at least one productive thing in his life (besides possibly help derail Caroline Kennedy's sham campaign). (zomg, "shampaign"?!)

-Side note to the NYT - Op-eds by Bono kind of make me want to simultaneously laugh and throw up... which actually is sort of impressive, although it wouldn't be the first time I've had that feeling.

-My (neurologically unenhanced) verdict is still out on the issue of neuroenhancers, but even though the piece pulls UVa's good ole' Cav Daily as a source (Eustace, I thought you were better than that, really), it's a great read nonetheless... and at the very least, it's good to know that "transhumanists are interested in robots, cryogenics, and living a really, really long time; they consider biological limitations that the rest of us might accept, or even appreciate, as creaky obstacles to be aggressively surmounted." (So, wait... transhumanist is just a fancy word for a geek with a God complex?)

-And it's good to know you can always rely on the NYT for a little OMGChina - as in: OMG, China is sooooo big ("There are nearly enough Chinese named Zhang Wei to populate the city of Pittsburgh.") (In that case, Zhang Wei better just watch out) and sooo bureaucratically bitchy!

a little weekend reading

from Slate: "This is the essence of Statham-ism, a mix of bionic brute force and slapstick—Robocop meets Keystone Cops."

some Wired-inspired Wikipedia (the most recent issue is this particular geek's heaven btw... all about mystery and magic and puzzles and guest-edited by J. J. Abrams!): the Georgia Guidestones, Kryptos, and the finally near release of new Nabokov to get excited about.

from VF: a good piece on how weird Arthur Sulzberger Jr. is and the future of the NYTimes and print media in general... although Bowden's anti-algorithm diatribe near the end turns me off a little.

and some old New Yorker I meant to put up here a while ago: Toobin on Burris (his two kids are named Roland Jr. and Rolanda?!), a seriously scary piece on solitary confinement, and that Rahm Emanuel profile by Ryan Lizza... if you love people fulfilling their stereotypes as much as I do, this will not disappoint.

The Economist is for Lovers

Two VA mentions in the Economist lately - Charlottesville got name-dropped last week in this really interesting guy about water politics. And then this week? zomg don't tell Kim Jong Il.

Yeah I'm a member; how do you think I got my job?

Fun, well-written environmental exposé on NWO-y groups getting wasted and wrecking really cool trees?

Check.

you need this

Hey hey friends, what's good? À la Baghdadi (which is, let's be honest, the best way to do anything), here's what the webs have been entertaining my rods and cones with lately:

1. "Unclear why the team decided to parachute onto the scene under cover of darkness from a C-17 with rafts" instead of "simply landing on the destroyer via helicopter" = Navy SEAL Team VI are kind of like MacGyver, except with sniper rifles instead of a paper clip and a ball point pen.

2. Red is the new black, Mike Green is just dirty good and only three days older than me, he and Ovie probably need to just get a room (and invite me along with them) --> win or lose, the Stanley Cup playoffs make for just exhaustively good watching and I'm not the only one in town who thinks so. (But Game 1 last night = I haven't watched Lost yet, so if the yesterday's episode ended with Walt shaking a snow globe, I don't want to talk about it. Until tomorrow.)

3. As long as we don't try to use the results to suppress mutant phenotypes, I'm alright with continuing to fund genetic research.

4. Two words: bacon torch. On second thought, a few more words, because the opening sentence to this article is too good: "I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half."

...and for number 5, we go back to pirates: 007-y gadgets as weapons are just not quite ready for prime-time on the high-seas.

Lastly, a bonus question I'm going to throw out there - After spending all of childhood behind rough approximations of what my dad's military buddies would have called BCGs, I'm thinking about taking up my parents' offer to get Lasik. Anyone able to assuage my fears that the laser eye surgery process is scary or convince me that night blindness and dry eyes are a fair trade for life without contacts?

(NB: Two Bond references in one post? Damn. Someone had their Wheaties this morning.)

oh, and PS: the picture included at right? You really really need this. Trust us, we know a thing or two about snack products designed to taste like other, less shelf-stable snack products.

Middle Eastern Shangri-La?

Just finished reading this piece by Johann Hari of The Independent called "The Dark Side of Dubai." Such a fascinating article exposing - as the title suggests - the dark side of Dubai that rarely ever makes it to the press. Looks like there's trouble in paradise..

Some interesting things to note from the article:

In the 70's Sheikh Maktoum wanted to follow in Israel's footsteps and 'make the desert bloom' so he essentially invited the world to come to Dubai tax-free. Millions of people came, dominated the now 5% local population, leaving the Dubai we see today with 3 very different distinct classes...the Emirati's, the Expats, and then the omnipresent foreign slave class who built the city. These foreigners (who mostly come from Bangladesh and surrounding countries) are tricked into leaving their lives and families behind in their native countries and promised the world in exchange for hard labor. Once these workers get to Dubai, their passports are taken and they are forced to work 14-hour days in extreme heat and made to live in less than desirable conditions.

The author talks about the many things wrong with Dubai, citing it as "a city built from nothing in just a few wild decades on credit and ecocide, suppression and slavery."

In keeping with what I was talking about earlier re Islamic banking and the current financial crisis, he also notes, "And today? Sheikh Mohammed turned Dubai into Creditopolis, a city built entirely on debt. Dubai owes 107 percent of its entire GDP. It would be bust already, if the neighbouring oil-soaked state of Abu Dhabi hadn't pulled out its chequebook."

Something else very interesting, but probably a known fact amongst M.E. scholars like myself, "In every large city, gay people find a way to find each other – but Dubai has become the clearing-house for the region's homosexuals, a place where they can live in relative safety. Saleh, a lean private in the Saudi Arabian army, has come here for the Coldplay concert, and tells me Dubai is "great" for gays: "In Saudi, it's hard to be straight when you're young. The women are shut away so everyone has gay sex. But they only want to have sex with boys – 15- to 21-year-olds. I'm 27, so I'm too old now. I need to find real gays, so this is the best place. All Arab gays want to live in Dubai."

next stop, nerdsville

how many of us have heard/told this story before over lunch "if it wasn't for my roommate/landlord/neighbor's dog barking/pounding hangover waking me up this morning, i'd probably still be in bed?" well, today the roommate slept in, the landlord kept to himself, the neighbor doesn't even have a dog, and i was blissfully nonhungover, so... i woke up to birds chirping and my alarms having been sounding totally unheeded for 3+ hours. so i did what any respectable federal employee would do... eschewed the idea of peeling myself out of bed to slog to work half-a-day late in the rain and instead called in (cough, cough) sick.

two hours, three cafe au laits, and several none-too-(or perhaps way-too-)successful attempts at making eyes at probably-gay guys (damn you, Andrew Sullivan!) at Tryst later, i came across this on page 22 of The Stuff of Thought:

" Many other kinds of speech are interpreted in ways that differ from their literal meaning:

'If you could pass the guacamole, that would be awesome.'

'We're counting on you to show leadership in our Campaign for the Future.'

'Would you like to come up and see my etchings?'

'Nice store you got there. Would be a real shame if something happened to it.'

These are clearly intended as a request, a solicitation for money, a sexual come-on, and a threat. But why don't people just say what they mean?... 'Gimme the guacamole,' and so on?"

anyway, the analysis is interesting, but I'll spare you it for now (or save it for you to read on your own... i just discovered you can read this guy on Google Books if that's the kind of thing you're into). but aside from the weirdness that is a guy coming on to you with etchings, it reminded me a lot of a conversation had yesterday whilst enjoying a cornucopia of cheap beers at The Raven (Bud heavy for me, Sierra Nevada for 'zette, and the Champagne of Beers for Ashkan-joon). Chris wanted to say something about the activist ads all over Metro Center, and he started the train of thought by saying, "hey, have you guys ever been to Metro Center? ...i mean, i know you have, but i don't know any other way to start this story." (or something along those lines.)

ANYWAY, i think this is sort of exactly what Pinker talks about when he says "...ordinary conversation is like a session of tete-a-tete diplomacy, in which the parties explore ways of saving face, offering an "out" and maintaining plausible deniability..." i haven't gotten to chapter 8 where he really digs into this yet, but the point is, the fact that this exact conversational event happened to me last night, and then I read a linguistic analysis of it this morning can only mean one of two things:

1.) Ashkan is both a spy and a time-traveller, travelled to the future, saw me shirking work and reading this book, then travelled back to last night, lulled my senses with the King of Beers, and coolly passed all this off as a chatty non sequitur, when it was really part of a conspiracy to further my blind faith in books, or

2.) The Raven is the kind of transcedent place where Janis Joplin tunes and $3 Stellas cause the fabric of space-time and the pseudo-intellectual mishmash of friends to become interwoven into some sort of fantastical vortex of perfection. i'm no scientist of the magical arts here (unlike our friend pictured at left) but I'm leaning towards the second one because i think it gives me a metaphysical excuse for not going to work.

on a totally unrelated note, i want to throw in a quick plug for how awesome NPR podcasts are. if you're a 35-year-old trapped in a 20-something's body like myself, they're a find. personal favorites include All Songs Considered (thanks Pincus for introducing me to this!) and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. they're great and easy to use, even if you're a phony like me, and feel totally ridiculous even using the word 'podcast' as i have essentially no idea what it means, how it works, or why it doesn't take up more space on your iPod. and unfortunately, there's absolutely no way of finding out answers to such questions...

putting the weekend to bed

if you ever find yourself in the Columbia Heights (or its red-headed [and thus hotter] stepsister, Mount Pleasant) area, may i heartily recommend my new favorite dive bar, The Raven, at 3125 Mt. Pleasant St.? tonight was our first foray there, but between cheap beer, a big screen showing the Giants-Steelers game, a BYO food policy, and a jukebox featuring (among others) Patsy Cline, The Cure, the Rushmore soundtrack, and plenty of Dylan (not to mention, was that a Scrabble board i saw on the back shelf?), i'm borderline convinced we've got a new haunt for the winter...

Santana Moss is a certified balla, but i probably didn't need to tell you that. even if Billick can't pronounce his first name to save his life. by the way, between that and Pam Oliver hoping that her crazy-ass jacket would distract people from the fact that she couldn't remember half of what she had talked to Tom Coughlin about 30 seconds earlier, someone needs to call Rupert Murdoch and remind him we have a financial crisis going on, and cutbacks have to start somewhere...

oh, and fyi, in case you needed more proof that every cute guy you've ever met in DC is probably not as interested in you as he is in the guy next to you, Andrew Sullivan has taken the liberty of confirming your fears. (note to Danielle: don't read this.) in a totally unrelated note, the Dupont drag race is this Tuesday!...

lastly, before this blogger (ha!) calls it quits for the weekend, i just started reading Steven Pinker's latest, The Stuff of Thought (excerpt from the book on the New Republic site here.) i bought it the same way i bought the last ten books i've read, which is to say i get sucked into the culture nexus that is Politics & Prose and then spit back out 20 minutes later and 50 dollars poorer. anyway, i'm only 12 pages in, but so far, i'm a fan....

ok, happy end of the weekend! t-minus five days to Halloween, start teasing your Sarah Palin wigs now!